Ok, so recently I have had an absurd number of ridiculous maladies. First, I had poison oak (from an attempted novel hiking experience with my two daughters). It started off harmless enough at first but after applying hydrocortisone for a week, the poison oak looked like the terrain of the Rocky mountains, or conversely, how I imagine the surface of Venus to be. While I liked all the attention I received from my dramatic looking injury, I was slightly concerned (MRSA anyone?).

Concurrent to this award winning problem , I started having abdominal pains and needed to pee every thirty seconds. As expected, this schedule cut into my regular cubical-based social engagements with co-workers. As all inconvenient maladies inevitably evolve, I ended up with a tedious trip to the ER. And while I’m not an old man (stereotype conceded) I was additionally diagnosed with a kidney stone. Of all the things. My doctor described the kidney stone’s decent as a fork running down cotton. Mmmm, yummy. Luckily, I have since recovered from this fun.

I do have a lovely scab on my shin that I proudly show off in my new skirts. This morning I spent a few moments in my cubicle using scissors to cut off pieces of the foundation-covered scabs that looked like they wanted to be elsewhere. Clearly, I had to tell my co-workers what I was doing since I can’t help but talk myself incessantly. This confession resulted in a conversation about how so many things get lost in our industrial carpet. Yes, gross. But on the positive side… good luck dust mites and rats, your dinner has been served!